Why I Stopped Drinking & Don't Care If You Do

Along with a lot of people, I partied a lot all throughout my twenties. Light drinking, binge drinking, clubs every weekend, hangovers were a regular part of life. I had fun, enjoyed myself, and associated alcohol with good times, not down-in-the-dumps escapism. However, I had plenty of role models growing up when it comes to alcohol and escapism.

I am fortunate that neither one of my parents are big drinkers and now rarely, if ever, drink. My dad may have a beer on occasion and my mom a glass of wine, but I have never actually seen either one of them drunk. Not even once in my lifetime. I am very grateful to not have to witness inebriated parents who use alcohol to numb or escape their emotions.

I did however have a grandfather, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc. who were heavy drinkers which is why I never wanted to equate alcohol with sadness. When I did drink it was socially and I told myself that when it stopped being fun, then I would stop.

Like many parents, my alcohol/marijuana consumption dropped considerably once I started having kids at age 32. Once you’re in your thirties you get to see the herd separate. You see the people who can easily stop drinking heavily versus those who go down the path of addiction, even though everyone is afraid to use that word. We soften it with “they’re heavy drinkers” or “they don’t know their own limits” and start making excuses for own friends and family members. Nobody wants to scarlet letter them by using the “A” word, but we all know what an alcoholic looks like and behaves like.

So even though my own drinking reduced significantly, it’s still a social expectation that you drink alcohol in every adult social gathering. So, a beer here or there is where I was for many years. Then I found myself in a long-term relationship with a closet alcoholic and watched it up close and personal. He turned me off from alcohol almost completely.  However, it was the 2-day hangover of November 2015 that did it for me. I was drinking all day while cooking Thanksgiving dinner with friends and was passed out before 11pm. It took me 2 days to recover from that hangover and that’s when I said no more. It was no longer fun. I made the decision to stop drinking that weekend and stop giving myself self-induced flu. No announcements, no social media posts, no big to-do, I just simply stopped.

At the time, I was freshly into my spiritual awakening and very aware of how alcohol lowers your vibration. Why would I do so much inner work through prayer and meditation to unravel it with alcohol? Besides, if you’ve ever had a profound, mystical, transcendental moment in meditation, you already know that it feels a million times better than any drink or drug could ever make you feel. Meditating followed by drinking is like spending an hour in the gym followed by a cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake. It makes no sense to cancel out your own progress.

So here I am sober and happy, but guess what, now I have to deal with how uncomfortable my non-drinking makes everyone else feel. Because, you know, a personal health decision, such as losing weight or not drinking brings out a snap of guilt in everyone harboring some guilt around their own habits.

My decision to stop drinking was for me and not about anyone else. Yet, I found myself explaining my decision to a lot of people just like I am doing now. Think about how weird that is. I feel compelled to explain why I do NOT drink, not why I do. I am explaining my decision to relieve others of any guilt they might have. This is my people-pleasing habit at its finest. The empath in me wants everyone around me to feel good because I am tuned in to how they are feeling. I am still a work in progress here.

However, today’s version of me doesn’t make a big deal out of it. I just simply tell people that I don’t drink. I don’t explain that I am all partied out from my 20’s, no I am not an alcoholic, no I am not pregnant, no I am not heavily medicated, and no I am not judging you if you drink. I just simply don’t explain myself; I just say no thank you. Just like my parents, when enough time has passed, people will just know you’re not a drinker and stop offering.

To everyone who drinks: I DO NOT CARE. You want that glass of wine? Enjoy yourself. You want that cold beer? Enjoy yourself. Not all sober people are judging you nor do we care. Be responsible, be safe, stay hydrated, and make your own choices. No need to go the opposite extreme and pretend alcohol is nutritious though either. Alcohol is not a health food. Just say you enjoy it and get on with it.

Now, if you’re using alcohol (or any substance) for that matter to avoid, numb, or escape and always feel terrible/guilty afterwards, now that’s a problem. Can you easily stop drinking today? If the answer is no, you may have a problem. That is for you to decide. I am not here to judge anyone on their alcohol consumption, nor am I here to try to drag people into sobriety. My goal is to help people develop skills to maintain sobriety once they have made that decision for themselves. It is a personal decision that every person must choose on their own. If you do choose sobriety, just know that there are many 10, 15, 20 years sober people out here living happy and fulfilled lives. Sobriety is possible, you just have to choose yourself, do the work, and never look back.

To everyone else who is a casual 1-2 drinks per week kind of person who has no guilt and no health issues, my guidance isn’t for you. I’m here for those looking for help in how to feel better and make their health a priority. Their physical and emotional health. The people who want the skills to manage their emotional state without the use of substances or distractions. The people who want to know what alignment feels like and experience true inner peace by freeing themselves from addictions. Those are the people who I serve gladly. To everyone else, enjoy your cocktails in peace and drink responsibly.

All is well and you are loved,

-DeVon